Wednesday, October 19, 2011

You Blew It, Terra Nova

A show set 85 million years in the past. Dinosaur time. You know what I'd do if I had a show set in the dinosaur-riddled past? I'd show some damn dinosaurs! Holy friggin' crap, how hard is that to figure out? Instead, the show with more children on it than Sesame Street now adds two more little lisping nitwits to the show. Great. Makes sense, though, as I think those kids are the same ones who wrote the script. I've seen more plot twists on a book of matches than in this show. I'm done with it, but should anyone associated with the show happen to stumble drunkenly across this blog I offer the following advice: watch Primeval, and take notes. They show dinosaurs (or some other prehistoric or future critter) multiple times each episode! With no children! It got its seasons expanded because of rabid fans, plus it's getting a spinoff. The only thing spin-worthy about Terra Nova is the water that's swirling around with it in the bowl.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I Hope It's A Coincidence

I'm performing a test to see what food(s) make my gout feel worse. Since meat is a culprit, I'm doing the unthinkable: spending a week meat-free. Yes, really. No, my account hasn't been hacked. We bought Boca burgers, and I made a dish with those and rice, peppers, mushrooms, onions, and some whole grain wrap things. I had that for a couple days, and today we went out to a restaurant with a menu chock-full of meaty goodness and I ordered a black bean burger with a salad. (Really, my account hasn't been hacked. Get off the floor.)

Today is the first day in a couple weeks that I have had no pain in either my toe or knee. I really, really hope it's a coincidence. Next week I'll eat beef and see what happens. Turkey the following week. Not terribly exciting, I know, but necessary.

Oh yeah... Deb is not partaking of this experiment, and I wouldn't expect her to. She still gets to eat normal food. Lucky.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

You Gouta Be Kidding

I've adjusted my diet in order to combat high cholesterol. Just a part of being 40+, I guess. Little did I know that in so doing, I was eating a bunch of things that trigger a gout attack. I had also cut out things that helped stave off an attack. Neat. I guess I'm down to three choices: eat for my cholesterol and deal with the pain and occasional limping, eat for my gout and maybe have a heart attack sooner rather than later, or switch to a vegetarian diet and kill myself inside of a week. Oh yeah... through the magic of the intertubes, I learned that cherries have some sort of mystical voodoo property that helps to reduce swelling from gout and other types of arthritis. That's great, because cherries are delicious! (I keep saying that in an attempt to keep from vomiting as I force them down.) Cherries are like most other vegetables and fruits to me, in that they evoke the same mental image whenever I eat them. It's an image I'll share with you now for your dining and dancing pleasure. Picture a decent-sized beetle. The size of your thumbnail or so. Now imagine the sounds and the sensations that flood your senses when you step on that beetle. The squishy crunch, the goo oozing from the shattered carapace. Now take that packet of sensations and put them in your mouth. Now go eat a salad, or as I like to call it, a bowl full of beetles. Sure, it's a delicacy to some. Some freaks.

So, yeah, vegetarianism isn't really in the cards for me. Beetletarianism, absolutely. Crunchy and delicious.

Saturday, June 04, 2011

Survivor Pawn Housewife Bachelor Idol Factor

“You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here, you're beginning to believe that the tube is reality and your own lives are unreal. You do. Why, whatever the tube tells you: you dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube. This is mass madness, you maniacs. In God's name, you people are the real thing, WE are the illusion.”
- from Network (1976)

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Running Gag Store

My brother has gotten into the whole making designs on T-shirts for fun and profit thing. His store, RunningGag, is all about running, biking, swimming, marathons, duathlons, triathlons, and all that kind of fitness and athletic stuff.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

What?

The Mrs. and I got our hearing tested today. One of the nifty things about Tucson is the overabundance of medical places that enjoy teasing the populace with free stuff. Despite the joyful whistling/ringing of tinnitus that's significantly less enjoyable than holiday chimes pealing away in my head 24/7, the ear lady said I have excellent hearing. (That's what I heard, anyway.) Deb has slight hearing loss, but that's only when I ask her to make me chocolate chip cookies. Doesn't impact her too much, and it helps keep me on my diet. Grumpy, sure, but that happens with or without cookies.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Shopping

Dear Everybody Who Does It,

Here's the new rule: when you're in a store and traversing the aisles therein, do so in the same manner you would drive on the road. By that I mean for those of you in the states, stay to the right. If you have to stop, pull over and give the rest of us room to move around your bloated carcass. If you stop in the center, I get to stab you. If you go down the wrong side of the aisle, I get to stab you. If you pull the cart from the front rather than pushing it from the friggin' handle designed for that purpose, I get to stab you and shove your head through the cart so it gets all julienned. If you travel down the wrong side of the aisle and then look at me with gigantic, uncomprehending cow eyes, I not only get to stab you, but you're going to experience the thrill that is the store's industrial-strength meat grinder. Toes-first. If you have children and you need to go shopping, leave the kids at home. Or at a family member's house. Or a serial killer's house. Do not, under any circumstance, bring your children to the store. If you have no other recourse but to bring your children with you to the store, you can't come in. You can't even come in to the parking lot. (See all the stabbing rules, above.)