Friday, July 30, 2004

I am enraged. Not only did I have to take the day off because my computer profile at work was locked, and the shit-for-brained IT people can't unlock me in less than a day, but one of the "fun" things I slated to do at home was to pay my IRS charge card bill. They send me on all these trips, and I have to pay for it. Well, they give me money, which I in turn have to give to the credit card company. So, after futzing around with the website and having no success, I actually broke down and called their support staff. They did whatever, and I got in to the government's citibank site. After another 20 minutes of searching every pulldown and link on there, I called their reps back again. Why? THERE'S NO FUCKING OPTION TO *PAY* MY GODDAMNED BILL!!!!! And what does the syrupy-voiced rep say? You can't pay a government card online! Of course! Why, oh WHY, would I think that any slice of the government would be touched by the ocean of technology and convenience? What the hell is wrong with me?

So, they're going to get their payment a couple days late. I'll get fired for it. All because the IRS thinks technology is a four letter word. With six Zs and five Qs in it. And no vowels. Dumbasses.

Even my unplanned days off are wasted by my goddamn job. If you could harness the power of my hate and rage, I could keep New York city warm and toasty for a couple thousand years. There would actually be many who die from severe burns.

Monday, July 26, 2004

Went to see Spider-Man 2 the other day.  (Eh.  Not worth the hype.  But OK.)  During the previews, they showed one for a must-see called "Anacondas".  They showed the cast of nobodys wandering through the swampy-jungle, with the nifty computer-generated fifty foot snakes slithering and swimming and roaring and eating people.  (Oh no.  I've given away the plot.)  When the trailer ended, a woman behind me turned to her companion and said:  "Are the snakes really that big?"  Yes.  Yes they are.  There are big, humongous, fifty-plus-foot roaring head-chomping snakes in the Amazon.  By the thousands.  The reason that hasn't made the news is because they're so common.  They get the big drooling car-eating snakes like we get ants or houseflies. 

Comments like this stop me cold.  My stupidity filters get overwhelmed or something.  I wonder how people can be this stupid and still function in the world.  And I wonder what happened to evolution, and how, as the years go by, as a species we seem to be losing our thumbs.

Thursday, July 15, 2004

I made a website yesterday to have a select few at work, on both shifts, track some of the work they do for the flippin' Ogden project thing I'm on.  I sent out a link, and with that link went explicitly detailed instructions of what I wanted done.  Painfully simple, really.  I wanted either a "Y" or an "N" and the click of a button for each form.  I was a bit more verbose and professional in my explanation, but it didn't make a whit of difference.  Not a whit, a jot, a grain, or a dram.  There were those who ignored the e-mail completely.  There were those who did the extreme opposite, and tracked everything that everyone around them did, instead of just what they themselves did.
I don't know how we got away from cave paintings.  Really.  They convey enough.  "Oh look!  Og is standing triumphantly over the carcass of that elk.  He really can keep meat in the fire."  (Yes, I know you don't put meat in the fire.  That's a line from 'Teenage Caveman', a Roger Corman vehicle starring Robert Vaughn when he was in his early 20s.  Thank you MST3K.)
I really, really can't wait for this whole automation thing.  Sure, it's going to cause a whole lot of people to no longer have jobs.  But I'm only concerned about a handful.  Including myself.  Whatever part of me that may have felt sadness, pity, remorse, or whatever is buried under a glacier of hate for those who exist only to be spoon-fed by the competent.  When I know, not believe, not suppose, not surmise, but KNOW that I could get the same amount of work out of a dozen or so good people as we currently get out of a few hundred...  That's hate.  And that's your tax dollars at work.  Or not at work, to be more precise.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

I have to get this out. It bothers me every now and then, and it upsets my wife when I talk about this, so I've got to type it. Hang on to something.

Let me preface this by saying that I do not hate police. I do not envy them their job, and I'm sure most of them are fine, upstanding pillars of their respective communities. And I'm not being sarcastic, as difficult as that is to believe.

Here's my thing. It really, truly, honestly, infuriates me to the point of incoherence whenever a cop car goes speeding by and they don't have their lights on. I mean, my blood boils and I want to rip the flesh from their bones. Why? Simple, really. The police are supposed to be those who enforce the law. They are the ones who are supposed to know the laws, and stop those who break the laws. When I'm cruising down a 55-limit road doing 60, and a cop passes me like I'm standing still and he's not in pursuit of someone or responding to a call, then that cop is flagrantly breaking the laws that he/she is supposed to be upholding. With complete disregard to the laws and safety regulations quoted to us mere mortals for the safety issues of the set speed limits. I guess when you dress all in black and have a shiny badge, you're immune to the effects of slamming into a stationary object at 80 or 90 miles an hour, huh? Or plowing over a pedestrian, or slamming into someone, or any of those things. I guess their amazing cop powers give them cop reflexes to avoid such things that regular drivers can't seem to avoid.

I work for the IRS. As a "perk" of that job, my annual tax return has to be perfect. Perfect. No exception, no tolerance, nothing. If I make a mistake on it because I suck at math, there's a chance I get fired. I'm more likely to be disciplined/reprimanded, but no matter what there's a black mark on my record. That's any IRS employee. Newsflash: 99.99999% of IRS employees are regular folks, not accountants or CPAs. Hell, most of them barely have high school educations, much less any accounting credits. But we're supposed to set an example for the rest of the country.

I think the same idea should be given to cops. If they go over the speed limit, they get fired. Done. This rule does not apply if they've got their lights and siren on, of course. If there's an emergency, light 'em up and go get 'em. By all means. You're doing your job. But if you're just out cruising looking for alleged bad people to fill up your quota for the month so you can be crowned Raving Flaming Queen of the Polieceman's Ball, you goddamn well do the speed limit you scum-sucking goat-fucking son of a bitch. Because if you're just out cruising for donuts or some other sort of pastry and you're doing 80 miles an hour because you're late for your fucking break, too fucking bad. You should have fucking left sooner. Not my problem you were playing "hide the nightstick" with your partner.

And, if any regular folks catch a cop breaking the law by speeding, we should be allowed to kill them by driving over them. Slowly. Very, very slowly. And not in an SUV or anything heavy. I'm talking like a Mini. Or a scooter with spiked tires.

It's a simple rule, really. If you enforce the law, you follow the law. If you enforce the law and you break the law, I get to wear your skin as a hat.

Monday, July 12, 2004

Here's a little slice of the category "Why I'm Pissed Off Most of the Time". I received an award at work. Huzzah and hooray. A whopping $500 award. Make that a daily award, and we're on the right track. Unfortunately, it's not. Here's the funny part, though. That's a $500 award *before* taxes. Hey, it's the IRS after all, so that's what they do. How much is the award after taxes? $329. There's my big freakin' award. And the kicker of it all? Did I get an award because my boss thinks I'm doing a bang-up job? Nope. I got an award because they realized they had a surplus of award money, and if they don't use it all, they lose it next year.

Man, do I feel appreciated.

Monday, July 05, 2004

OK, SciFi is showing a Twilight Zone marathon. For those of you who are hoplessly lost TV execs, let me give you some pointers. First: repeating episodes does not constitute a marathon. The show was on for five years! You're covering two days, and not even two entire days. Give me a break. Second: how about you show some of the hour-long episodes? Oh wait, I know the answer to that. Because you can hack apart the half hour ones much easier than the hour-long ones. Stupid commercials. I fully understand that running a television station is a business, and that you need those advertising dollars. But do you have to cut out about five minutes of every old show ever made? Really? It's a big thing that SpikeTV is showing Star Trek "uncut". Those shows were on only, what, ten years ago? And there are already more commercials now than there were back then. Original Star Treks are even longer, but you wouldn't know it if you only watched it on regular television. I forsee a day when one of three things will happen... either television shows will just have a constant mini-window in the corner, forever showing ads for all sorts of things. Or maybe one of those news tickers running along the bottom with different slogans and products and stuff. Or better yet, there will be entire sitcoms based on the product. Imagine solving crimes with the Pepsi Princess as she stops off at Taco Bell and KFC (Pepsi-owned fast food chains). Or laugh along with Ray Romano as he works in his new job as a Coke distributor. All the wacky hijinks as he stops at McDonalds, Burger King... touting the new flavors and colors and whatnot. It's kooky fun! And then the potatoes at home can sit and vote and see which restaurant wins. Why, I don't know, but they seem to enjoy that kind of thing. Stupid potatoes.