Tuesday, January 25, 2005

We have a credit card that's affiliated with the Norwegian Cruise line. For every dollar used, you earn points towards a cruise. The card has a big ol' cruise ship on it. This information is important for what I'm about to tell you...

The other day, we had some routine maintenance done on the car. We used said credit card at the dealership. The cashier, whom we affectionately refer to as "toad girl" not only because of her wide mouth but because her eyes were placed squarely on her temples. With a deft flick of the tongue, toad girl took the credit card, looked at it, looked at me, and said: "Are you Norwegian?"

Forgetting for the moment that my friggin' name is on the card, that's one of the oddest questions anyone has ever asked me. I've been called many things, most of which are inanimate objects or popular topics in the cryptozoology chat rooms. "Norwegian" is definitely not the first thing most people think of when they see me. Then again, this is the first time someone with 360 degree vision has seen me, so maybe that has a lot to do with it.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

This struck me on the way home, so I'm sharing... About 70-90% of the people who work in my happy department of hell can't correctly identify what they do. What does that mean? It means that our one and only product consists of a three letter acronym. The people who generate these modern marvels of acronymity continually and unflinchingly spit out the word for which the last latter stands. Along the lines of "ATM Machine", they have absolutely no idea how amazingly stupid they make this little slice of the government sound. And now, since the current batch of instructors warmly embrace the ignorance and gladly, without hesitation, tell the new crop of people to say it incorrectly... I must get out before I go mad.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Word of the day: azcue

Usage (as seen on an eBay auction description): "Picture Tube does turn on however the picture is a bit azcue and will require a technician to service or repair."

So, no, "azcue" is not something used by Aztecs while playing billiards, nor is it when people from Arizona wait in line. It's the horrible, horrible union of what happens when "Hooked on Phonics" runs head-first into someone who doesn't know what a spell checker is.

I can't wait for the fall of civilization. Really. Most people won't even know it happened. They'll be too busy watching reality TV while scarfing down low carb Big Macs like popcorn.

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Just a minor observation, then I'll be on my way... there was a commercial on a few minutes ago for Kentucky Fried Chicken. The background music for the commercial was "Sweet Home Alabama". Perhaps the franchise is going to change its name, and this is their way of doing it slowly. "Alabama Fried Chicken" doesn't really work, though, because "AFC" has already been taken. It's true that many people enjoy chicken while watching football, that's just too much to bear.

Oh, and work still sucks. Just in case you were wondering. Second grade math is still beyond the masses. Keep paying those tax dollars, though. Automation is coming. And boy, will I laugh when it hits!

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Friggin' hysterical. Someone from TIGTA was looking at Jerf's site for two hours. I can only assume they were looking at mine as well. TIGTA's purpose is to fight fraud, waste, and abuse at the IRS, yet they spend time looking at personal webpages on the taxpayer's dime? Can you say "irony"? Two hours on his site, I'll guess about the same for mine... that's half a work day spent. Gotta be at least a grade 9 doing it, too. That's just a guess, of course, but I think it's a safe one.

Well Mr./Ms. TIGTA person, I too hope you enjoyed your tour of our sites. And, if you think we're exaggerating or writing works of fiction... by all means, come on over and observe what goes on. We've got a couple hundred people who have no skills... none... to such an extent that other areas are actively avoiding hiring people from our department because they lack the ability to do something as simple as write a C letter. Grade 3s are supposed to be able to do that, and we've got 6s who think it's black magic. (And 7s, 9s, 10s, and 11s for that matter.) I've spent the last month designing an excel file that handles unit inventory because a) the employees can't count or add, b) the clerks can't count or add, and c) the night shift department manager enforces her own brand of "math" on an entire department.

That's just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, but I shouldn't say anything. I'm bad, I forgot. I give evaluations that don't have 5s on them, so I'm Satan. How silly of me.