Thursday, November 04, 2004

Weathermen, by definition, are idiots. But our local weatherman took the cake the other morning. It was a windy day, and he alerted the early-morning drivers to not only "keep both hands on the steering wheel" because of the "gusts" of 35 miles an hour (psh!), but he also said with dread earnestness: "Watch out for leaves!" Leaves? If the leaves were whipping around in tornadic winds of mach 3 or something, then yes, leaves would be quite deadly and should be avoided. But if you're scared of leaves blowing around when it's Autumn, you may want to consider moving to a desert or a snowy tundra. What about those motes of dust whipping around in the wind? Shouldn't we watch out for those? If a high-speed dust particle lands on your eye, you could just swerve right off the road and into a ravine or something. Or slam head-first into a busload of nuns. Damnable dust! A leaf blowing around might... um... brush against the windshield of your car. Think of the high cost of Windex! Damn you leaves! Nature's compost my ass!

Stupid weathermen.

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