Monday, July 05, 2004

OK, SciFi is showing a Twilight Zone marathon. For those of you who are hoplessly lost TV execs, let me give you some pointers. First: repeating episodes does not constitute a marathon. The show was on for five years! You're covering two days, and not even two entire days. Give me a break. Second: how about you show some of the hour-long episodes? Oh wait, I know the answer to that. Because you can hack apart the half hour ones much easier than the hour-long ones. Stupid commercials. I fully understand that running a television station is a business, and that you need those advertising dollars. But do you have to cut out about five minutes of every old show ever made? Really? It's a big thing that SpikeTV is showing Star Trek "uncut". Those shows were on only, what, ten years ago? And there are already more commercials now than there were back then. Original Star Treks are even longer, but you wouldn't know it if you only watched it on regular television. I forsee a day when one of three things will happen... either television shows will just have a constant mini-window in the corner, forever showing ads for all sorts of things. Or maybe one of those news tickers running along the bottom with different slogans and products and stuff. Or better yet, there will be entire sitcoms based on the product. Imagine solving crimes with the Pepsi Princess as she stops off at Taco Bell and KFC (Pepsi-owned fast food chains). Or laugh along with Ray Romano as he works in his new job as a Coke distributor. All the wacky hijinks as he stops at McDonalds, Burger King... touting the new flavors and colors and whatnot. It's kooky fun! And then the potatoes at home can sit and vote and see which restaurant wins. Why, I don't know, but they seem to enjoy that kind of thing. Stupid potatoes.

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