Happy Birthday, Mom! I won't tell everyone how old you are, don't worry. (Unless I get bribes or something.) (I'll split 'em with you. 80/20. Just like you taught me.) Have lots of cake and e-mail me a piece if you have any left. Extra frosting. Don't forget that when it's your birthday, it's perfectly legal and acceptable to beat the livin' snot out of the kids at school. And take their lunch money, too.
Have a happy!